3 routines to help your child develop self control

Here are three things that you can start today that will help your child's tomorrow.  I must say that all three are simple but they take determination and discipline on your part as the parent.  You must make them routines in your life to gain maximum result.  There are few to no guarantees with parenting but these three routines will provide your child with the tools needed to develop self control.

Though I believe that self control is a fruit of the Spirit I also believe that the Spirit uses natural tendencies and skills developed in everyday life to reach His ends.  Here are a few things you can do now to help your child's future.

Structured Time

• Structured time can help your child learn self control because it enables them to focus on a task for a defined period of time.  For younger children the tasks are simpler (coloring, play dough, puzzles, etc) and shorter.  As children get older the tasks become more complex (reading, writing, drawing, building, etc) and the duration longer.  For some children this will come more naturally than others.  My suggestion is to begin this as early as you can.  The longer you wait to begin structured time the harder it will be for your child.  Many children don't get real structure in their lives until they are in preschool or even kindergarten.  By then they are way behind.  Give your child the task and the time frame and do your part to help them follow through.  Working with your children is a good way to get them started but eventually you want them to learn to work alone.  If they are dependant upon you for structured time it will drive you crazy.  If you are a Mom (which I am not by the way) you know what I mean.

Delayed Gratification

• The simple lesson here is that your child needs to learn to wait.  Patience helps me control myself.  If he's always getting what he wants when he wants it he will lack the control to wait when the time comes.  Again, the earlier you start this training the earlier they get it.  I'm not going to win this debate but it is for this reason that I am in favor of working your infant into a scheduled feeding sooner rather than later.  What do I know though, right?  I'm sitting at work while the baby is screaming at home.  You're right.  But it just makes sense to me.  As a parent you have to take the initiative to TRAIN your child to wait because the opposite comes naturally.  Remember the burger chain Hot and Now.  They knew what we like.  "I want it HOT and I want it NOW!"  Children are no different and if we allow it their appetite for NOW will grow.  So, if you want your child to develop some self control make her wait - regularly.  I'm not talking about starving the kid.  I'm talking about helping her learn that she doesn't need it now.  She can wait.  Have her wait until everyone is finished before leaving the table.  Have her wait for dessert until everyone else is ready.  Make your child wait until a certain time before getting out of bed.  When little Johnny asks for a snack have him wait 15 minutes or better yet have scheduled snack times.  When your preschooler wants his friend's toy the answer is ALWAYS not until Timmy is done.  When your 1st grader repeatedly asks you to play the Wii NOW after you have already given him a specific time when he can play, he suffers the consequence of no Wii for the rest of the day (or some other consequence).  As your child begins to demonstrate patience in these times you then reward them with additional "just because" benefits.  You give them an extra 5 minutes of Wii time or an additional play date with a friend.  In time they learn (with your help) that there are natural benefits to waiting.  The impatience appetite isn't fed.  Self control grows.

Earned Income

• Your child can develop a measure of self control through receiving "payment" for completing assigned tasks.  There are many lessons here but specifically I want my child to learn to complete things and that benefits are earned not deserved.  I want my kids to learn there is great personal satisfaction in starting and completing a job (even if I don't get paid).  On the negative side, I don't want them to grow up assuming they get things for doing nothing.  Certainly there are going to be benefits to being my kid.  They don't have to earn food at my table or covers on their bed.  But I do want to give them regular opportunities to work and to earn.  What children earn for their efforts depends upon what motivates them.  My 15 year old daughter is not motivated by a trip to Toys R Us but she does enjoy some extra spending cash.  On the other hand, while my 2nd grader likes cash, an earned trip to Monkey Joe's is much more motivating.  Over time the kids learn that if I'm going to get something I really want it is going to take a little time and effort to get it.  A good work ethic is learned and the virtue of self control gained.

I'm anxious to hear your ideas for each of these routines.  Certainly you have some more great examples of what you are doing now that you're betting will pay of in your child's future.